Affairs of the Heart
by Cocobean2206
Summary: This is a series that is different than anything I have written really. It is an AU Future Series that explores a different version of the Jolu relationship. I wrote the first one a LONG TIME AGO!


Summary: LuLu's POV! If you know the song, its about the woman the man is having an affair with . Lulu is that woman. Can she leave the man she loves? What about the secret she is carrying around? Is her secret the push she needs to finally leave him? Lulu takes you through her thoughts and emotions!!

**I.**

_I been sitting here staring/At the clock on the wall_

You sit against the headboard, wide awake in bed, wondering, wondering how you got yourself in this situation. A movement makes you glance down to the sleeping form laying next to you and you remember. Hair tossled from an afternoon of rigorous activity, laying on his stomach, his arm wrapped securely around your stomach. Yes that's why. You fell in love with a married man. You fell back in love with Johnathon Zaccharra.

**II.**

_And I been laying here praying/ praying she won't call/ It's just another call from home / and you'll get it and be gone_

You can't believe this is what your life has become. Monday and Thursday afternoon meetings at the same hotel, thirty miles away from Port Charles, while his wife thinks he's working. Cherishing every moment you're with him. Praying his phone won't ring.

But it always does and he always answers it. You know every time it rings its Bethany and the guilt and sadness takes over. The guilt that you could do such an awful thing to such a sweet person. The sadness that yet again he's going to leave you and go to her.

**III.**

_And I'll be crying/And I'll be begin you baby/Beg you not to leave_

You think after a year you would be use to it. That you wouldn't cry any more when he leaves? At least you don't do it in front of him anymore.

Him leaving was easier the first couple of months. It was just about the sex. A warm body. An attraction that neither one of you could deny any longer. But soon it turned into something neither of you could deny.

The first time you cried was in front of him. He was about to leave and you stopped him. You didn't know why, but you asked him to stay. To ignore the outside world for a couple more hours and just be together a little longer. The tears that had been threatening to spill out of your eyes did and your voice was thick of emotion. When you saw the same pain you were in being reflected back at you, you knew he wanted to stay as much as you wanted him to. But he didn't. Instead he touched his forehead to yours, brought both of his hands up to cup your face and kissed you goodbye. You never cried in front of him again.

**IV.**

_But I'll be left her waiting/With my heart on my sleeve_

When he does leave a little piece of you goes with him. You never leave right away though. You sit on the bed he has just vacated, holding the pillow his head laid on. The smell of him still lingering. And you think. You think of the person you have become. You think of the woman you once were. And the tears start once again.

**V.**

_Oh for the next time we'll be her/seems like a million years/ and I think I'm dying_

The hardest part of your secret is when you see him out about in Port Charles. You have to act as if you're not in love with him. To smile at Bethany and act like you aren't sleeping with her husband. But you also find it as a comfort. It keeps you going until the next time you meet. However long that might be.

Keeping busy also helps. Keeping busy is the key to your ability to act happy. And co-owning the hottest spot in Port Charles dining and entertainment keeps you plenty busy. The people that help you make it hot and the success of the place keeps you from dying

Dying from the secrets you keep.

**VI.**

_What do I have to do to make you see/ She can't love you like me_

You love him so much it hurts. You don't know how it happened but it did. Being with him, holding him, loving him comes so naturally to you. It might be because when he's a sleep, he pulls you as close as he can and doesn't let go. Or maybe the way he whispers "I love you" when he thinks you're asleep. Or maybe it's the fact that when he's with you he's the real Johnny. The sweet caring passionate twenty-three year old boy that you feel fell in love with when you were nineteen, not the tough as nails Business Capitalist that he's become. That simple reason alone is why ending your relationship would hurt so badly.

**VII.**

_Why don't you stay/ I'm down on my knees/I'm so tired of being lonely/ Don't I give you what you need/ When she calls you to go/ There is one thing you should know/We don't have to live this way/ Baby why don't you stay_

But none of that matters because of Breyden Curtis Zaccaharra. A beautiful one and a half year old baby boy with hair like his mother and everything else Johnny. He knows if he leaves Bethany, it would be likes he's abandoning Breyden. He refuses to be that father. He refuses to be HIS father.

Johnny loves Breyden more than anything in the world. Maybe that's why you are so in love with him. And that's why you stay. Because it's the only way for you to be with him and him to still be a father to his son. You do it so that he won't ever have to choose between you and Breyden.

But every things changing and soon Breyden won't be the only child involved and a choice will have to be made.

**VIII.**

_You keep telling me baby/ There will come a time/ When you will leave her arms/ And forever be in mine_

Sometimes you and Johnny will allow yourselves to dream. To dream of a life where he didn't sleep with Bethany and done the noble thing by marrying her. Where you and him are married and happy. Where you can be Johnny and Lulu without the guilt and hurt. Without the secrets and the lies. You want so bad for it to be true but in reality you both know it can never happen.


End file.
